Market research Posted on Monday 20Nov06, at 10:38 pm. Sadly, we have not yet managed to acquire a Wii. I am not sure why this is, because surely Reggie, who I trust is hiding in our house even now, must realize that we want one. Perhaps he is not as benevolent as, say, Santa Claus. I'd have a lot more to say of substance if I had managed to obtain a Wii. However, the show must go on, so I will speak from relative ignorance. As soon as I get my hands on Nintendo's newest console, we will see if this rant holds up to future scrutiny. In earlier game eras, the bad licensed game was a staple of a console's library. Based on movies, sports figures, or some other commercial tie-in, these games were oft-reviled for their poor quality, formulaic designs, and significant departures from the original medium. Of course, there are a few notable exceptions (Goldeneye, anyone?), but the vast majority of tie-in games were, in a word, shit. The subject of today's comic is Shaq Fu, a Shaquille O'Neal-endorsed fighting game with a ridiculous plot and horrific gameplay. It has entered the annals of crappy tie-in history, and indeed is considered one of the worst games of all time. Obviously Shaq Fu will never see any kind of sequel. However, beyond that, I have a bold hypothesis which I'd like to discuss: The crappy tie-in game as we know it has seen its last. Think about it. Of the Big Three consoles, both the PlayStation 3 and the Xbox 360 are prohibitively expensive to develop for if a game's not actually going to sell. I think the number of crappy tie-in games on PS2 and Xbox had already taken a huge dive (in favor of handhelds and GameCube), but with the increasing cost and difficulty of development for these latest consoles, I think we'll see this trend continue in a big way. One might expect the Wii to be a veritable haven for crappy tie-in games. It's geared toward the casual gamer of any age, and it's hardware that developers are pretty familiar with, since it's similar to the GameCube under the hood. Already, we've seen games like SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab (which is being released for PS2, GCN, GBA, and DS -- not PS3 or 360) announced as Wii launch titles. So, the crappy licensed game is alive and well, right? Now, I haven't played the SpongeBob game, and I haven't seen any reviews yet, but here's my prediction: it's going to be decent. Here's why: it's several steps above the platformer-by-numbers formula followed by many licensed titles of the past. It actually uses the Wii remote for gameplay in relatively innovative ways. For this reason, I think even the worst Wii games are going to be a lot more interesting than many last-gen titles. So, in conclusion, a Shaq Fu sequel would probably be pretty awesome, at least in comparison to its predecessor. Bring it on, sneaker companies. I'll prepare some impressions on the Wii as soon as we get one. Meanwhile, check back on Friday (not Saturday, sorry for the confusion last week) for a new comic and some related thoughts from yours truly.

A new dimension to basketball ninjas Posted on Monday 20Nov06, at 11:01 pm. As said next door, we don't have Wiis. Not even artificially flavored Wii substitutes. This fact aside, we can tell you that the Shaq Fu Wii game was not all it was cracked up to be. For instance, I ended up buying only 30 athletic wear items branded with Shaq's face. What a waste of a subliminally advertising game. The game offered less functionality than I expected. I can't say much more in mere words, so I summed up the rest of my thoughts on this game into an animation. As I understand it from today's comic, by purchasing any product from Nintendo, you give them the right to enter your home without a warrant, take you to testing facilities in the Nintendo wing of Area 51, give you an alien sedative, have you play videogames, and return you to your home, unaware that any of it has passed. As far as you know, you just had another dream about video games. I'm sure you've had those. Remember that game you dreamt you beat? Allow me to let you in on a little secret: that secret path you couldn't quite remember the morning after was the way to beat it in the beta version. Fight the control! Free the video game playing world! If you turn me in, you'll be playing right into their hands.